Motto: Superbi de Humilitate Nostra

Rule I — Proper Bearing

Members shall carry themselves as if seated in stately leather chairs, even if actually balanced on a barstool, ottoman, or questionable lawn furniture.

Rule II — Required Attire

Smoking jackets are spiritually mandatory.

Fabric choices: velvet, satin, flannel, or whatever you didn’t fold last Tuesday.

Must contain at least one snack-sized pocket.

Rule III — The Toast of Concord

Before entering any discussion, members raise a glass (or mug) toward the nearest microphone and intone:

“To indulgence… modestly.”

Rule IV — The Unspoken Rule

Unspoken. Unwritten.

Violation results in receiving an envelope labeled simply: “No.”

Rule V — Room Seven

Do not enter Room 7.

If no such room exists in your home, excellent — the Club considers you trustworthy.

Rule VI — Fluid Bylaws

All rules may be amended without warning, logic, or notice.

Clive’s rulings are final unless overturned by a meaningful sigh from either host.

Rule VII — Concordian Courtesy

Political opinions may be forthright.

Personal insults must be whimsical, erudite, and ideally funny enough to quote later.

Rule VIII — Membership Maintenance

To remain active, members must:

• Listen to the show

• Nod thoughtfully at least once per episode

• Never reveal the Club is fictional

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2. The Five-P Club (Premium Support Tier)

Priority • Privileged • Preferred • Platinum • Prestige

This is the absurdly elite cadre of listeners who go the extra mile to support the show.

Five-P Benefits

• Priority — Early access to bonus clips, including Clive’s private admonishments.

• Privileged — Digital membership card in faux-quill calligraphy.

• Preferred — Audio-file “secret handshake.”

• Platinum — Monthly bonus episode of The Decanter Debate.

• Prestige — Their names announced in the solemn tone reserved for minor royalty.

Initiation Rite

Performed on-air:

1.Clive pronounces the new member’s name in immaculate RP.

2.Kim raises a glass of Colorado wine.

3.Doc counters with Missouri beer.

4.Both proclaim:

“You are now Five-P. Conduct yourself accordingly.”